My New Favorite Show
Radiation Level: Mild
Listening to: I’m in Your Church at Night by Active Child
As much as FalloutGirl likes, F*U*N, a good dose of IRONY goes a long way. Many of us love animals and treat our pets like family members. But sometimes, Homo sapiens can cross the line with furry or scaly friends. Occasionally, things can go bad. Very bad.
A new show on Animal Planet called FATAL ATTRACTIONS documents these ironic events. Last night’s episode was about a man (I’ll call him the Jailer), who most likely had mental illness or Asperger’s, lived in a one-room apartment with a dozen or so giant lizards. Monitor lizards, to be exact. Oh, and a cat, who was apparently the mastermind of the whole ordeal.
It wasn’t an ambush, it was a slow burn plan of attack. Cat was sick of getting scratched and clawed by these stinky cold bloods, so Cat convinced one of the lizards to bite the Jailer’s finger. A little bite. Torn flap of skin. The Jailer wore it like a badge of honor not realizing he would soon be the victim of a deadly revenge plot. Because of his mental challenges, the Jailer didn’t seek medical attention. And so began his downfall.
The bacteria in the lizard’s mouth caused a nasty infection that soon pulsed through Jailer’s blood stream. He got sicker and weaker. After a couple days, he was delirious.
Cat walked over his Jailer’s sweaty, trembling, 105 degree body. Cat instinctually knew the time was now. He ordered all seven hungry dinosaur descendents with their strong legs and long, sharp claws to attack. And, well…I’ll leave the Jailer’s dark fate for you to ponder while you go to your TiVo and set record…
This extremely battle savvy cat has not been heard from since, but is rumored to be chasing rodents at a nearby trash dump.