We Work Hard to Entertain and Arouse You
Radiation Level: High Profile
Listening To: Bringing Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake
Obama said in his May 2009 speech:
“It’s now clear cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation.”
Sure, I get it. So much could go wrong. But when the porn industry takes the time to put on clothes and non-erotically moan about copyright infringement, you know it’s bad.
While it’s hard to feel a lot of sympathy for a business that many feel degrades women, they have a point. With so much porn on the internet, it’s difficult to fathom how they make a living at all.
Some ideas to help the porn industry remain profitable:
- Only distribute movies on actual 35mm film. I’m sure the film projector industry would be happy to lobby for this.
- Don’t film the movies at all. Perform only live shows.
- Offer “happy endings” to those who turn in cyber criminals.
- Start an ad campaign that equates sex appeal with copyright protectors.
- Portray porn stars as working mothers and fathers who need to support their children/drug habits.
- Make the story line of every porn movie about protecting copyrights.
- Get some kid at MIT to develop a porn film “electronic condom” to protect the movies from being passed from one viewer to another.
- Porn filmmakers should start shorting stocks.
- Porn filmmakers can take a lead from Hollywood and start selling porn futures.
- Package numerous porn films in confusing bundles so no one knows what exactly they are buying.
- Create a tax for porn on the internet and use the proceeds to develop technology that is difficult to pirate.
Think any of these will work? Send me your suggestions and I’ll post ’em here.