SPACE JUNK! VH1’s New Hit Reality Show
Radiation Level: 127 mmols
Listening To: The Tudors Theme by Trevor Morris
Why am I not surprised by this report (see below)? Because Homo sapiens create TRASH and leave it to “those future people who will be way smarter than us cause they’ll be genetically engineered or those desperate Mexican people or that wasteland called China” to handle it.
Case in point – divers found hundreds of TOILETS and TIRES on the ocean floor off Malibu. It’s amazing that we have any ocean left. Oops, spoke too soon. BP is handling that.
Satellite-Killing Junk Risks $250 Billion Market
By Jonathan Tirone
May 26 (Bloomberg) — Trash in space may bring commerce and communications on Earth to a halt unless policy makers and executives take steps to prevent satellite collisions with orbiting junk, according to a Pentagon report.
Potential crashes between satellites and debris — refuse from old rockets, abandoned satellites and missile shrapnel — are threatening the $250 billion space-services market providing financial communication, global-positioning navigation, international phone connections, Google-Earth pictures, television signals and weather forecasts, the report says.
Scientists are warning that space collisions could set off an uncontrolled chain reaction that might make some orbits unusable for commercial or military satellites because they are too littered with debris. The February 2009 crash between a defunct Russian Cosmos satellite and an Iridium Communications Inc. satellite left 1,500 pieces of junk, each whizzing around the earth at 7.8 kilometers (4.8 miles) a second and each capable of destroying more satellites.
“This is almost the tipping point,” Bharath Gopalaswamy, an Indian rocket scientist researching space debris at the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, said in an e- mailed response to questions. “No satellite can be reliably shielded against this kind of destructive force.”
FalloutGirl came up with some possible solutions:
1. Combine space tourism with a clean up effort. Instead of the cosmonauts charging 20 million to take someone “up there”, they could charge 30 million and let the tourist keep any space junk they can find.
2. First reality show in space: Race Thru Junk in Space. Teams of two each have to navigate through the atmosphere and collect as much junk as they can without colliding with old satellites, alien visitors, meteors, etc. Winner is the team still alive with the most junk at the end. Tang could be the sponsor.
3. Hire BP to do a JUNK KILL.
4. I’ve always thought America’s prison population was under utilized. Instead of making license plates, can’t the men and women in orange go up there and clean some of this sh*t up? Seriously, Obama. Let NASA keep the space shuttle for a little bit longer.
5. Start a website for Muslim extremists and convince them that Space Junk, not Americans, are the true evil. They can put all their fertilizer-bomb-talents into destroying the space junk and they still get to blow sh*t up.
6. Convince North Korea that all the Space Junk is really just covert South Korean spy mechanisms. It should be gone in a matter of minutes. Give Kim Jong Il the movie rights and get Brad Pit to play him.
7. Let Wall Street trade Space Junk futures. Soon, all the Space Junk will be shorted and a handful of people will be trillionaires. Win-win!
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with Space Junk? If so, leave ‘em here and I’ll get the White House to evaluate them and get back to you next year.