Desperate Times Calls for Desperate Rogues
UPDATE at 6:29 PM
Went to Target. Fortunately, it was not God’s plan for me to find cute clothes and makeup there as I shopped for paper towels, etc.
Then, as I was driving to the Kundalini yoga class AmishGirl has been raving about (Maya Fiennes at Exhale in Venice – Tues/Thurs @ 4:15pm), I noticed a car honked forcefully on Sepulveda. Startled, I jumped. Was that car honking at me? I happen to think I’m a pretty considerate driver and don’t deserve pointed tootling. Moments later, as the stoplight on Jefferson turned green and I put my car into first gear, I heard another tootle. This was an impatient double tootle. Okay. I can honestly say I was not lacking in response time to the green light. I was not texting or fiddling with iTunes. I simply did not zoom-zoom out of the intersection. And that wasn’t good enough for Honda. FalloutGirl appreciates feedback and constructive criticism, but Honda doesn’t get to micromanage my driving.
I’m a person who hates the gesture of an extended middle finger; I don’t think it’s lady-like. But when you’re driving in LA, femininity gets thrown to wind. I cracked my window, slid out my hand and flipped the bird. Then I drove extra slow, just to piss Honda off more. Bad, I know, but irresistible.
At the next stop light, Honda drove up next to me. Honda rolled her window down. Out of pure honest curiosity, I rolled mine down too. The woman, putting on an extra tough demeanor, cackled, “You said something to me?” I replied, ” You seemed a little stressed out”. To which she barked, “Usually, when the light turns green, people drive.”
Most of you know I love my car and that it happens to go quite fast (0-60 in under 6 seconds). This chick in a Honda Accord is calling me out? I said, “My car goes really fast when I choose it too. When you get a real car, instead of a cheap-ass, tacky-red Honda automatic, then you can talk to me about how to drive.” Then I zoomed away, leaving her in a dust cloud.
Well, okay, maybe not. But while I was meditating in yoga, that’s what I thought I should have said.
Instead, after tacky-red-Honda-automatic said, “Usually, when the light turns green, people drive.” I started laughing. It struck me as super funny. I said, “Oh, is that how it works? I’m so glad someone explained it to me. All these years, I’ve been confused. Thank you so much!” I said all this through giggles as earnestly as possible. I could tell tacky-red-Honda-automatic was caught off guard and was struggling to keep her game face on. Then she threw out one more shining piece of wisdom. “Next time, don’t drink and drive honey”. And I cracked up again. I’m en route to YOGA CLASS AFTER ALL!!! Clearly tacky-red-Honda-automatic needs to meditate more than me.
ZOOM-ZOOM. It’s God’s plan.
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Radiation Level: A Single Meme
Listening To: The Nothing Song by Sigor Ros
Considering the bleakness of my last post, I decided to writing something a bit more upbeat. I couldn’t think of anything, so I decided to spend today, Tuesday, September 7, 2010 going ROGUE!
Yes, today I will be living “God’s plan” as inspired by Sarah Palin. Everything that happens today is meaningful, positive and altruistic. Today, great insight and love will be revealed to me. Today the universe will coddle and comfort me. Today, I will listen for the calm, not the chaos. Today I will love myself and everything I do.
Preliminary plans for the day: laundry, Kundalini Yoga, eating avocado, writing, shopping at Target. I will update as the day goes on.