Fallout Girl's Blog



Thanksgetting

Radiation Level:  Me, Me, Me, Me!

Listening To:  I Can Change by LCD Sound System

I'm 100% positive the first Thanksgiving looked exactly like this.

 

 

It seems like only in America do we need a holiday to remember to give thanks.  Because the other 364 days out of the year we’re bitching and complaining about all the crap for which we’re not thankful.

–> “Wahhh!  I don’t want to get a full body scan!”


–>  “Wahhh!  I don’t want to learn proper English, I like to make up words like ‘refudiate’!”

Me thinks you doth betcha! (photo from mediaite.com)

–>  “Wahhh!  I don’t want to cut my arm off with a dull knife just because it’s trapped under a boulder and I might die!”

Yes, I’m also guilty as charged of such complaining.   So I will give thanks tomorrow as I shove buckets of food into my mouth and unsnap the top button of my pants as my gut expands from eating the so-aptly-named ‘stuffing’.

I will also give thanks to Squanto, the Native American who, after being sold in slavery for $40, shipped off to Europe then escaping back to America, helped the colonists farm and harvest corn, turkeys and other local foodstuffs all before dying of smallpox.

But then on Friday, I want a holiday called THANKSGETTING.

Yes, you read me right.  I want everyone to THANK ME.  For what, you ask?

–>  For putting up with their foul noises, bad driving, awful musical choices, unclear and confusing text messages, cheap wine and underestimations of my abilities.

–>  I want AT&T to thank me for spending nearly $1200 a year on lousy cell phone service.

–>  I want Netflix to thank me for not terminating my account every time I get a DVD that’s in multiple pieces.

–>  I want Citibank to thank me for keeping their credit card despite the 26% interest rate.

–>  I want Facebook to thank me for donating tens of hours of my precious week to their morally-questionable cause.  (Ps, feel free to “like” this blog post)

–>  I want the internet to thank me.  Not sure why, but I just feel like it should.

–>  I want Jerry Brown to thank me for voting for him.

–>I want my mother to thank me for not treating her the way she treats me.

–>  I want Hollywood to thank me for continuing to hold onto my dream of making movies despite its extended middle finger that repeatedly stabs me between the eyes.

–>  I want Starbucks to thank me for my mindless-spending on their ridiculous beverages.

–>  I want Anthropologie and Athleta to thank me for being their ho, willing to turn tricks to simply wear one of their sweater dresses with boots.

I always glacier-hop with bare legs...

–>  And I want Cher and Christina Agulera to thank me for paying to see their sure-to-be-trashy-movie Burlesque.  Can’t wait!

Happy Thanksgetting to you!!!

What do you want to be thanked for?

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