My All Consuming Deadly Valentine…
Radiation Level: Obsessive, Venomous Love
Listening To: Happy and Bleeding by PJ Harvey
That’s right. My Valentine is the show Fatal Attractions on Animal Planet which is airing all new episodes just in time for Valentine’s Day. This is a match made in heaven given that Valentine himself was put to death by the Roman Emperor Claudius II. I’m not exactly sure how Valentine was killed, but in my fantasy, he was thrown to the lions.
I’m in hot, passionate love with this hour of entertainment. True stories of Homo sapiens sharing their homes with deadly beasts.
What could be more American? Only in America, do people have the means to acquire these exotic pets and the space to keep them alive. Only in America do we have the hubris to believe that we can form such an intense loving bond with a wild reptile. Only in America does our sense of self get so perverted that we think a tiger loves us and because of that, won’t eat us. We are some f*cked up folks, myself included.
So I will eat chocolate while I watch the new episode about a woman in New Jersey who keeps tigers and seems to be missing a few of them…
May your valentine be as loving as mine.