Fallout Girl's Blog

What’s In The Stars For You Gemini?

Radiation Level:  hazardous isotopes Cs-137, I-131, and Sr-9

Listening To:  Cold Cold Water by Mirah

My birthday is next month.  I’ll be honest, I’m not looking forward to adding another digit to my age but the alternative is even uglier.  BUT today in the snail-mail, I got this:

I love it when Anthro reaches out to me!

I love the little pouches they have!  So cute!

Okay, so my “gift” is simply 15% off, but still – I can’t wait to SHOP!  What should I use my fabulous birthday discount on?

The Calculating Cardigan?  Or…

The Goldfish Bowl Skirt?

Some Mimidae Wedges?

This Rouched Hour Glass Top?


Yes, please.  Did I mention it’s my birthday next month?

: )

Dick Simmons

Radiation Level:  Sweaty

Listening To:  Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell

KodakGirl came out to LA for her birthday and it was a gift for all her friends.  During a fabulous evening at Ugo wine bar in Culver City that included three four cheese pizzas with truffle honey, KodakGirl says, “Hey, I’m going to sweat to the oldies with Richard Simmons on Saturday.”  I gasped and replied, “Oh my god, I have to come!”

Saturday morning, I met her at Slimmons, his studio in Beverly Hills.



I was told to get there early because the class fills up.  The cost of the class was a mere $12.  That’s is.  This really impressed me because in Beverly Hills, people pay upwards of $22 for a barre or spin class.  But Richard wants to make sure that everyone has access to exercise. What a great guy.

What workout studio doesn't need a disco ball?

And the studio did fill up.  Must have been at least a hundred people.  Most were older women and young gay guys, which is a perfect mix for exercise. Everyone was there to have fun and get in a good workout.

Well, of course he wears tights.

Richard Simmons is the ultimate entertainer.  He started the class with in a long grey beard and we danced the Hava Nagila.  The next party favorite was the Macarena. Richard donned a tiny sombrero and mustache.  In fact, he had numerous hats and personas he changed into.  And he cracked jokes, flirted with the boys and made the pain of exercise melt away.

After an hour of Can-Can, Charleston, the Hustle and you name it, he made us grab weights and work out our upper bodies.  After that, crunches and push ups.  It was a full workout.

Then it was time to celebrate.  There were several gals with birthdays, not just KodakGirl.  He gave them all a necklace and a hug and the entire group sang to them.

It's a tiny, toy Richard!

And then everyone lined up to nab a photo with the dude.

Even FalloutGirl.

Thanks for a great workout.  I’ll be back next week for the Halloween costume party with cash prizes.  Can’t wait!

Forest + WiFi = AWESOME!

Continue reading this entry »

A Legitimate Massage

Radiation Level:  Unsafe at Any Speed

Listening To:  Nkolo by Lokua Kanza

Okay, so if anything warrants a massage, a birthday definitely qualifies.  A small recompense for getting a year closer to death.  Of course, there must be lots of spa options being that Palm Desert is temporary home to thousands of Memorialers.  I googled, found Desert Massage Therapy and got an appointment.  $77 with Brenda.  I could have opted for the $7 upgrade to aroma therapy, but in general, I prefer things that DON’T smell, so I declined.

I drove to this small little building out in La Quinta and the place looked nice enough.  Not very zen, but clean and simple.

NOT Desert Massage Therapy in La Quinta

Brenda was nice, seemed like the librarian at my old grade school.  She asked me to sign a form that she read to me out loud.  No injuries.  Check.  No medical conditions.  Check.   Then she said “inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated.”  I laughed.  Out loud.  Brenda clearly didn’t think this was funny.  I tried to cover, “I guess you have to say that, right?”  No reply.  I signed the form and made my way to the massage room.

She told me to get under the blanket on the table, with her soft, high voice.  Then she announced she was washing her hands (health code?) and said, “Again, this is a legitimate massage.”

Seriously!?!  I understand that there are places where happy endings can be had, but with Brenda the librarian in La Quinta?  She felt it wasn’t enough to get me to SIGN A FORM, but she had to remind me as well?  What the hell kind of inappropriate things does she think I’d want her to do?  I was flabbergasted.  And grossed out.

Needless to say, the massage was de rigour, and I actually kept forgetting I was getting it, let alone thinking about anything inappropriate.  A good massage should hurt.  I mean really make you feel beat up after.  But not this one.  This was gentle and quiet, as if your friend’s mother was doing it.  Then I started thinking, maybe inappropriate behavior didn’t mean hanky-panky.  Maybe it meant knock you down, pummel you until you scream, walk on your back with weights, fry your flesh with hot stones and swat you with eucalyptus branches.  It seems these behaviors are also not tolerated by Brenda.  Too bad.

Pain is very underrated.

Things I’ve Learned on my Birthday

Radiation Level:  750 ml

Listening To:  Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds

Yes, it’s the anniversary of that day 20-something years ago my mother pushed me out.   Actually, I was a forceps baby and still have the dents to prove it.  The doc yanked me like a lobster out of a pot.  And I’ve been going nonstop ever since.

Today I learned that I have really great, amazing friends.  This is the unexpected gift of my adulthood.  When I was young and *boy crazy*, so much focus was on the boyfriend (looking for one, getting one, getting rid of one).  Now that I’m older, I really bask in my friendships with my girls.  I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

Today I learned that going bathing suit shopping on your birthday is a BAD IDEA unless you’ve just had plastic surgery or not eaten in two weeks.

I’ve learned that New Orleans is AWESOME at night but pretty stinky during the day.

I’ve learned that beignets are even better than I remembered.

That I know my mother better than I would like to.

In a phone message from my father, he said he was pretty wild when he was my age.  Thanks for that image, Dad.

That cute dresses make me happy.

That life moves at its own pace, whether you push, pull, yell, scream, dig in your heels or run like Usain Bolt.  It’s out of my hands.

That getting a new iPhone is pretty simple and I’m pleased that I do adult things like back up my info.  “Just in case” seems to happen more than you want it to.

Devil's Heaven

The Crescent City!

Radiation Level:  5-10,000 gallons a day

Listening To:  classic rock on Bourbon Street

Congratulations to Gertrude Tribulski of Omaha, Nebraska! Gertrude correctly guessed FalloutGirl’s location – NEW ORLEANS!   Gertrude, you’ve won an electric car, the Nissan Leaf!  WhooHoo!  The rest of you, thanks for playing.

View from the bar at the top of my hotel

So yes, I’m in New Orleans and have already eaten myself into a food coma.  Here’s what i’ve eaten:

Went to my favorite restaurant on planet Earth, NOLA.

Appetizers:  BBQ Gulf (?) Shrimp and Crab Cakes.  House Shiraz.

Dinner:  Shrimp and Grits!  BAM! and a Chardonay.

Dessert:  Happy birthday banana, pecan & rum ice cream with whipped cream.  Candle.  Made a wish.  (another wish – that I had taken a photo!)  Coffee.  I put the whipped cream from my birthday ice cream in to my coffee.  Also enjoyed a bite (or four) of “ooey-gooey” chocolate cake with marshmallow cream, and toasted almonds and COFFEE ICE CREAM.  F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!!

Then walked down Bourbon Street, kept walking and walking, pass the Hurricane and Hand Grenade shops, past the karaoke bars and the strip clubs, past the newly discovered gay area on Bourbon Street:

The middle figure is a Ken Dolls in a wedding dress

All the way to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop (re: BAR).  This place has only candle light and is spooky and scary.

This is inside the bar.

This is just the first day.  Hoping to be hungry again some day…There’s plenty to EAT.  A little alligator cheesecake at  Jaques-imos is next!


What Every Girl Wants…

Radiation Level:  1.6 watts per kilogram coming out of my cellphone

Listening To:  Horchata by Vampire Weekend

It’s finally here, just in time for my birthday. I don’t mean tar balls washing up on the beach, I mean the ADA LOVELACE T-SHIRT!WooHoo!  Thanks to ThinkGeek.com

click here:  Heroine: Ada Lovelace

For a closer view:

I'm smart and pretty and always do mathematical calculations wearing gloves.

ThinkGeek will donate $1 of the proceeds from each shirt sold for the first month to The Girl Effect.  Sexy, fashionable and charitable…You can’t beat it!

Some other shirts at thinkgeek.com I thought were cute:

Or else you'll end up in my underground jail somewhere in the Mojave desert

For some people this is quite obvious.

Well put.

And my personal favorite:

Celebrating wheelchair sex!