Desperate Times Calls for Desperate Rogues
UPDATE at 6:29 PM
Went to Target. Fortunately, it was not God’s plan for me to find cute clothes and makeup there as I shopped for paper towels, etc.
Then, as I was driving to the Kundalini yoga class AmishGirl has been raving about (Maya Fiennes at Exhale in Venice – Tues/Thurs @ 4:15pm), I noticed a car honked forcefully on Sepulveda. Startled, I jumped. Was that car honking at me? I happen to think I’m a pretty considerate driver and don’t deserve pointed tootling. Moments later, as the stoplight on Jefferson turned green and I put my car into first gear, I heard another tootle. This was an impatient double tootle. Okay. I can honestly say I was not lacking in response time to the green light. I was not texting or fiddling with iTunes. I simply did not zoom-zoom out of the intersection. And that wasn’t good enough for Honda. FalloutGirl appreciates feedback and constructive criticism, but Honda doesn’t get to micromanage my driving.
I’m a person who hates the gesture of an extended middle finger; I don’t think it’s lady-like. But when you’re driving in LA, femininity gets thrown to wind. I cracked my window, slid out my hand and flipped the bird. Then I drove extra slow, just to piss Honda off more. Bad, I know, but irresistible.
At the next stop light, Honda drove up next to me. Honda rolled her window down. Out of pure honest curiosity, I rolled mine down too. The woman, putting on an extra tough demeanor, cackled, “You said something to me?” I replied, ” You seemed a little stressed out”. To which she barked, “Usually, when the light turns green, people drive.”
Most of you know I love my car and that it happens to go quite fast (0-60 in under 6 seconds). This chick in a Honda Accord is calling me out? I said, “My car goes really fast when I choose it too. When you get a real car, instead of a cheap-ass, tacky-red Honda automatic, then you can talk to me about how to drive.” Then I zoomed away, leaving her in a dust cloud.
Well, okay, maybe not. But while I was meditating in yoga, that’s what I thought I should have said.
Instead, after tacky-red-Honda-automatic said, “Usually, when the light turns green, people drive.” I started laughing. It struck me as super funny. I said, “Oh, is that how it works? I’m so glad someone explained it to me. All these years, I’ve been confused. Thank you so much!” I said all this through giggles as earnestly as possible. I could tell tacky-red-Honda-automatic was caught off guard and was struggling to keep her game face on. Then she threw out one more shining piece of wisdom. “Next time, don’t drink and drive honey”. And I cracked up again. I’m en route to YOGA CLASS AFTER ALL!!! Clearly tacky-red-Honda-automatic needs to meditate more than me.
My third eye says your car sucks, babe.
ZOOM-ZOOM. It’s God’s plan.
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Radiation Level: A Single Meme
Listening To: The Nothing Song by Sigor Ros
Considering the bleakness of my last post, I decided to writing something a bit more upbeat. I couldn’t think of anything, so I decided to spend today, Tuesday, September 7, 2010 going ROGUE!
Yes, today I will be living “God’s plan” as inspired by Sarah Palin. Everything that happens today is meaningful, positive and altruistic. Today, great insight and love will be revealed to me. Today the universe will coddle and comfort me. Today, I will listen for the calm, not the chaos. Today I will love myself and everything I do.
Preliminary plans for the day: laundry, Kundalini Yoga, eating avocado, writing, shopping at Target. I will update as the day goes on.
Mrs. Positive!!!
Radiation Level: AWESOME!
Listing To: Kiss with a Fist by Florence and the Machine
Notes meeting today. My cynical self is waiting for disaster. But never fear, Mrs. Positive is here! Mrs. Postive’s plan: be a mixture of Path of the Possum, Going Rogue and Scientology. WHAT?!?
In my youth, I used to love going to see live bands in Hollywood. Club Lingerie, The Troub and the Palace were all my haunts. One night, in an effort to bring in a younger crowd, the Church of Scientology decided to have bands play concerts at their lovely, glamourous Celebrity Center.
I had never met any actual Scientologists, so I was nervous (I have a serious allergy to religion). But once there, I couldn’t have been more impressed. The staff hosting the Tool concert was so positive, so kind, so wonderful, I couldn’t have felt more comfortable and welcome. Looking back at my anemic acting career, my biggest regret is that I never became a Scientologist…Surely, that would have been a great career move.
BUT TODAY, in my meeting, I will be “trusting God’s plan” and commenting on the awesomeness in every note. HEARTS:)
Blowing you kisses, fairies and unicorns
Mark Burnett Goes Rogue!
Radiation Level: De-elevated
Listening To: My Time by Minus the Bear
I’m still on an Ada Lovelace Day high. So many great blogs about so many amazing women and their contributions to technology and science. ALD was a true blessing for the blogospheer. Upwards and onwards!
Knight castles rook!
As a screenwriter, I know I’m supposed to hate Reality TV. But I don’t. I love it. I want to marry it. Mark Burnett has lured me back to the Plasma Miasma over and over. Wednesday night’s episode of Survivor is one more reason why. I’ll spare those of you non-Suvivor-imbibers the Kasparov inspired strategic moves of Boston Rob, who’s hot and Russell, who’s not.
Mmm, not so much.
If you don’t know (or care) who these people are, just wait. A new reality show is coming your way and is sure to be another fabulous trainwreck: Sarah Palin’s Alaska..!
TLC, a network best known up until this point for airing the reality television phenomenon, Jon & Kate Plus 8 is “Going Rogue” with the Princess of Pantene. When asked, “Sarah, are you really getting $1.2 MILLION an episode?” She replied nonplussed, “It’s God’s plan.” Once again I’m inspired by her hair and her steadfastness in her faith. FalloutGirl’s single day of ‘Going Rogue’ was a delight, so this show is highly anticipated.
How's this for reality?
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Now I’ll be able to explore the mysteries and animal killings in Alaska through her Rogue eyes and hopefully the sights on her rifle. This begs some questions. Who will do her hair? How much will she spend on wardrobe? Will it be more or less than on the campaign? Will she wear fitted suits or REI chic? Will Banana Republic design for her the way J. Crew designed for Michelle Obama? Or is Sarah more of an Ed Hardy kind of gal? Will she have her kids on the show? Will Levi ever make an appearance and will he be shirtless in a shower? All the possibilities! Mark Burnett, you’re my hero.
Pre-Tarot Before Going Rogue
In preparation for my GOING ROGUE experiment tomorrow, I had a mini Tarot card reading. (For those of you just tuning in, Amish Girl and I are going to spend the next 24 hours ‘living and trusting God’s plan’ just like Sarah Palin.) Here’s the Tarot read.
Needing some alone time?
Past: HERMIT
The Hermit represents a situation where the solution to the problem is in front of you. All you have to do is look up and find it. It also means that it’s okay to experiment with things to find a solution but care is required to avoid making costly mistakes.
Okay, I get it. But have I? Clearly I haven’t taken care and made costly mistakes. Good to know.
Yikes!
Present: DEATH
The Death card portrays symbolic death-a change or transformation. Perhaps it even brings a whole new set of principles which will guide you spiritually, emotionally, psychologically or financially.
This couldn’t be any better! I think…Better get my H1N1 vaccine.
Sans Vanna
Future: WHEEL OF FORTUNE
The focus here is on unexpected developments that change your plans or alter your course, conflicts of interest, or an idea ready to materialize. Circumstances will not be under your control. Get ready for a new way of life, because one is on its way.
Okay, a bit scary but could be good? We’ll see!
Going Rogue
Beautiful, shiny, healthy hair.
When asked about Sarah Palin in an interview with John McCain’s chief campaign strategist Steve Schmidt, he described Palin as “very calm — nonplussed” after McCain met with her just before putting her on the Republican ticket. Schmidt said he asked Palin about her serenity in the face of becoming “one of the most famous people in the world.” He quoted her as saying, “It’s God’s plan.”
This makes me think two things. 1) she really does have amazing hair and 2) if only I had her confidence.
After discussing this with my friend, Amish Girl, she and I both decided that for one day we would both act “as if” and believe for those 24-hours that we are living God’s plan.
Both of us being writers, we suffer regular bouts of self-doubt, rueful perfectionism, self-loathing and abashed competitiveness, aka, the artist’s curse. Pre-bomb, or in the antenucleum America, a quick check-in with Amish Girl on a “down” day and she could successfully encourage me to find the silver lining, stay positive and believe in my talent. But with a radioactive economy, it’s getting more and more difficult. On Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 however, things will be different. We’re calling the experiment GOING ROGUE. Here’s what we’re going to do.
According to sources, Palin uses Garnier Fructis shampoo, Pantene conditioner and a touch of Moroccan Oil.
On this day, we will meditate. We will exercise. We will look in the mirror and smile at what we see. God will send us divine inspiration and we will write our screenplays with confidence, refraining from second-guessing that plot point or act break, knowing that whatever dialogue we create is certainly God’s plan. In fact, this whole thing is really intriguing me, almost the way eating savory and sweet together sounds so mysterious and decadent. GOING ROGUE DAY will be my chocolate-covered potato chip or peanut butter stuffed pretzel. I’m salivating. I can’t wait.
Anyone else want to GO ROGUE with us? It’s just for a day. And who knows? You too might just be named candidate for Vice President*.
I’ll blog throughout the day Wednesday and would love to hear from you if you’re ROGUING it too.
*At this point, I don’t know God or his/her plans, so I can’t be held responsible if you’re not appointed a Vice Presidential candidate.
God's plan in action.
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